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Sandra Cisneros, “Eleven”

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are –underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.

Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.

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Peg Streep, “6 Reasons It’s Easy to be Fooled by a Narcissist” – Psychology Today

Craig Malkin explains the confusion of a narcissist’s drama with a lover’s passion simply and clearly from a psychological point of view which is to say, as he does, “Romantic uncertainty often turns us on.” (If you doubt it, just watch a re-run of Sex and The City and watch the chemistry between Mr. Big and Carrie.) His point is that we get aroused by feelings of jealousy, anger, and anxiety—and it may not, from a physical point of view, feel all that different from the arousal of passion. (Mind you, this is emotional arousal, not the sexual kind.)

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Peg Streep, “6 Reasons It’s Easy to be Fooled by a Narcissist” – Psychology Today

It’s unclear when dependence became a dirty word and the idea of a perfect relationship became two self-sufficent planets circling each other. As the work of Brooke Feeney makes clear, when people are securely attached, dependence on another person actually increases their independence and ability to expand and grow. Dependence can be healthy instead of enabling.