So Frasier decides to sit down and have a deep talk with his father. His father is skeptical and has a show coming on, so Frasier takes an egg timer and sets it for three minutes. After one or two ‘this is stupid!’ comments, Frasier shares this deeply personal event from his life. His father then relates that he can turn his eyelid inside-out.
Frasier: That’s it? You call that vulnerable?
Martin: It hurt.
Frasier: Oh well… I’m not talking about that kind of pain, I’m talking about your emotions, your soul. Some sort of painful, gut-wrenching experience.
Martin: Other than this one?
Frasier: Oh, God! Always the flip answer.
Martin: Well, this whole thing’s stupid.
Frasier: Well, not to me. Oh, how should I expect anything out of you? You are the most cold, intractable, unapproachable, distant, stubborn, cold man I’ve ever known!
Martin: You said “cold” twice, Mr. Egghead.
Frasier: Egghead? Egghead?
Martin: You said “egghead” twice, too.
Frasier: Oh, you are so infuriating!
Martin: Well, you’re no day at the beach either. You know what you are? [the timer bings] I’ll tell you later, it’s time for my program. [moves towards Chair]
Frasier: Dad, I don’t think you see how serious this is.
Martin: Oh, will you give it a rest?
Frasier: We’re not getting along, and it’s not getting any better. I’m not sure how to say this, but ah… I ah, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to…
Martin: I know what you’re trying to say. “You want what’s best for both of us.” You want to get me out of here, then you can have your own space, and I’ll have my own space, and we can put an end to all this bickering.
Frasier: Well, yes. I guess it wasn’t so hard to say after all.
Martin: Except for one thing. I’m not going.
Frasier: What?
Martin: Look, you want us to forge some great father-son relationship, to make some connection. Well, that kind of thing takes a couple of years, not a couple of days, doesn’t it? You’re the shrink.
Frasier: Couple of years, huh?
Martin: Ah, it’ll go by before you know it.
Frasier: Either that, or it’ll seem like eternity.
Martin: I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.

Frasier, Space Quest

(I love Frasier – because it’s these thinkers and then this really-down-to-earth father who all can’t communicate. The sons always try to talk everything out, super-psychological, and so often get wrapped up in their minds [and egos] – Lord knows how much it reminds me of myself and brother… and then my Dad…)

And don’t we so often try to skip over the process?


Niles: Oh, for goodness sake, Frasier. It hasn’t been that long, you have to give it a chance. And you might remember why you moved him in in the first place.
Frasier: Refresh me.
Niles: You wanted to get closer to dad.
Frasier: I still do. There isn’t anything I’d like more, but he makes it impossible. I can’t read my book, I can’t have my coffee, I can’t have any peace in my own home.
Niles: So what you’re saying is, you want to be closer to dad, but you don’t actually want him around.

Frasier, Space Quest (the age-old problem of living with family)

Sidewalk Prophets “Words I Would Say”


Sidewalk Prophets “Words I Would Say.”  Listening to this dropping off the kids I was struck with the thought that this is what my dad would say if he could emotionally verbalize his heart.  Tears have come as I have meditated on these simple truths in song.  Sometimes it’s so hard to receive, even if that is the first step in growth, but this song had a way of connecting me and my dad in a special way.